How to Feed Yourself When You're Grieving

When you're the one grieving and yet are still responsible for everyone else, even deciding what to eat can feel overwhelming. Here is a simple and practical guide to feeding yourself through the hardest days.

A single candle glows in the window of a serene view.

Grief doesn't pause your responsibilities.

If you're the one who normally plans the meals, stocks the fridge, and makes sure everyone else is fed, a surprising change and the onset of serious grief can feel especially complicated.

I was taken by absolute surprise last summer after dropping our oldest off at college for the first time. I did not expect the serious grief to hit me in that first week without my baby living at home. I couldn't face our normal routines, especially sitting at the family dinner table with her seat vacant. My appetite was utterly destroyed.

And yet? My family still needed to eat, and so did I.

I was lucky to have my husband and younger daughter to lean on in those first few difficult days, but if you're experiencing grief and need to struggle through dinner and finding food when all you want to do is crawl back into bed, I want to help make things just a little easier for you.

Below are my tips and suggestions of what helped me during that challenging time and how I eventually found my way back into the kitchen.

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When YOU Are the One Grieving

When you're the primary care giver of the family and there's no one to take care of you, just coming up with what to eat can feel like an insurmountable task.

You may find yourself staring into the fridge with no idea what to make because you just cannot process one more decision.

Worse, you may have other family members asking you to cook for them so your grief is compounded with guilt.

Let's find an easy solution for both those problems.

Decision Fatigue is Real

The worst question you could have asked me when I was grieving would have been: "What do you want to eat?"

The answer would have absolutely been: "Nothing."

I was too consumed with worries and sadness to even think about my choices.

I wrote a long list of what to eat when you are grieving to help you at least have options to pick from. Several of these items were simply plated and presented to me by my husband, I'm not sure I would have thought of them on my own.

Favorites from the list:

Toast
Pudding
Pre-Washed/Prepped Fresh Fruit

Grief Survival Menu for Your Family

Just because you're normally the one who prepares the food doesn't mean your family can't step up and handle things on their own for a little while.

To avoid the question of "What do we have to eat?" or "What am I allowed to have?" I've created a free printable dinner menu for you to hang on your fridge that will answer those questions for you.

This "Yo-Yo Dinners" list stands for "You're On Your Own" and is a helpful tool to encourage a little independence from your family when you need some time to heal.

My Struggle Bus Dinner

It took me a week to finally be able to face cooking for everyone else in my family without my daughter at the table.

It took no small amount of forcing myself back to the stove and I needed the easiest possible meal to cook. After a week of take-out, we were really craving something nutritious and fresh.

I settled on a dinner I can cook without even thinking: sauteed chicken sausages, potatoes, and vegetables.

I'll have a printable recipe card to share with you soon.

Give Yourself Permission and Forgiveness

If I could be there to give you a hug and a piece of encouragement, there is one thing I'd say to you:

This is just a season, give yourself permission to take the time you need and forgiveness for whatever you need to do to see you through.

Frozen meals are just fine. Set out the paper plates and forget about doing dishes. Have a few simple standard recipes and repeat them as long as necessary.

AND, let your loved ones support you. It's ok to step back and take the time you need for yourself.

You Deserve to Be Fed, Too

When you're grieving, feeding yourself can feel like one more impossible task on an already heavy day. If all you can mange is toast, a yogurt cup, or a bowl of soup, that still counts.

Your goal now is not perfect nutrition or homemade family dinners. Just worry about getting through the day with as few decisions as possible and as much gentleness as you can give yourself.

Let this season be one of "good enough." In time you'll find your way back to your routines even if they look a little different than you're used to.

It's Ok to Ask for Help

If you're experiencing profound loss and grief, you may need more support than your immediate family can provide, and that's ok.

Consider reaching out to a close friend, a sibling, or even a neighbor and asking if they'd be willing to help in organizing a meal train to help your family in your time of need.

Believe it or not, people truly want to help feed grieving families. It gives them something tangible to do in a situation where words often fall short. Give them the gift of being able to provide that for you. You don't have to do this alone.